The Post I Didn’t Want to Write…

by Sara on October 29, 2012

I have written/rewritten this post in my mind many times over the last few weeks. There’s part of me that would just like to move forward and not think about it anymore but ultimately that’s not fair for the journey we are on. You see, in January we started the adoption process again. I was hesitant to shout it from the rooftop because I suspected this process would take much longer than the journey to Cohen and sometimes it’s hard to answer the questions over and over again when it feels like nothing is happening. Due to many changes happening in Ethiopia, we chose to join our previous agency in starting a pilot program through a different country in Africa. We were one of three families chosen to pursue an infant referral. The program took a few months to get going so in the meantime we began to gather paperwork, educate ourselves, and pray for our next child. We weren’t necessarily keeping it a secret but we weren’t advertising it on the internet either mainly as I mentioned because it’s hard to not have answers for the questions we get. Throughout the process there were several speed bumps but there were also multiple confirmations that we were headed the right direction. For example, one confirmation was that we needed to move our fingerprint appointment with immigration and they called us the day I was trying to figure out how to get in touch with them. That never happens. It had God’s fingerprints all over it. However, only a few weeks later we got an email from our case manager and then a phone call with some really bad news. I felt like I had been punched in the gut after hearing LOTS of things were changing in the country we were pursuing and the process was going to look much different than they and we anticipated. We prayed and prayed for clarity. We felt lost and confused. There are so many children that need families but ultimately after much conversation we realized we weren’t going to be able to continue the direction we hoped. I worked hard to keep my emotions in check but I didn’t do a great job at it….this was our child we were talking about and I grew attached to a little one I didn’t even know. When you think you have a child in a particular place, it’s heartbreaking to have that dream stolen. In the midst of grieving, difficult decisions have had to be made. It’s difficult in many ways….financially, emotionally, and spirtually. None of this part of the road is easy, but we are confident that God is in the work of redeeming the broken systems of the world. Our journey to our next child is taking a new turn and we are eager to see what God has in store for us next.

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